Updated: Jun 10, 2018
Recently, Tuesday nights have become officially date nights.
My partner and I decided making dinner together and going to watch "A Wrinkle In Time" was simple enough to not be overwhelming or overreaching in attainment.
See this fuzzy picture below is proof.
It was agreed upon that only life vs. death situations are exceptions to this new commitment in this long-term relationship.
This resolution did not come from a calm thought of "yeah that would be nice".
It came at a heated realization we were disconnected.
We are both driven individuals who work hard toward making the life we want for ourselves and for each other.
However, we all struggle with this.
In our busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves.
We let life get in the way and think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even 20 year old trees need water and care, if they are to thrive.
The #1 way to grow a relationship is to communicate and not in a superficial and generic way like “How was your day?” (although asking this is important yet gets superficial responses, better to get more specific like "What was good about your day?")
Communication is the bridge that connects two individuals. How we deliver the communication can either build a longer bridge keeping you more apart or build a bridge that brings you closer together. These are the steps to start building a bridge closer together.
Step One: Acknowledge the Disconnect
When distance has grown between two people the way to reconnect is by sharing how you feel in a way that is not blaming or shaming the other. It’s important to focus on the positive, and what both partners want, which is to have a deeper connection. A deeper sense of love and to grow closer together while still having the space to grow as an individual.
Step Two: Discuss Solutions to Reconnect
Sometimes we are very good at knowing and talking about what our problems are but forget to actually find a solution. Once you know the problem don't keep hashing over all the details, you don't need to waste the time. Start discussing what you CAN do to make things work instead of focusing what hasn't been working. You want to grow your relationship together, not apart.
Step Three: Take Action
Now here's the part that's tricky. Actually taking ACTION on the solutions you come up with, because too many times we can talk without actually committing ourselves to making real changes. Real change comes in the commitment to consistent action. If your not putting in the time to make the relationship a priority with solid actions then you'll still be disconnected and not grow. Growing is in the action. Nothing more, nothing less.
It is so important to remember to have compassion for each other in these discussions. We have to remember in our relationships are in the same boat together, steering it to move forward in maintaining the right balance of individual space and togetherness to keep our relationship healthy.
It’s important to be open to expressing the trust and confidence we have in each other, while also taking time to enjoy the intimacy of growing together.
Take time the to really connect with your partner or even just someone you really love to just nurture your relationship more.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:Ariel Zimmerlein is a Holistic Health Coach and Farmer. She uses her B.S. in Human Nutrition and Dietetics and her lifetime learning and experience with chronic illness and childhood trauma to empower others to live life fully regardless of the circumstances they have been given. She runs her farm, AZ Farm and Wellness, and loves to grow food for its inner and outer healing benefits. She focuses her practice on nutrition, stress, with special interest in mental/emotional health. She serves those with chronic health conditions who are challenged by pain, isolation, depression, and anxiety. Visit her at www.azfarmwellness.com to learn more.